Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It All Compounds

They can't stop adding new things. Elbow pads, the new requirement. More to follow I'm sure.

Yeah yeah, Suspect, quit your bitching, you're out soon.

Well what about the brand new faces I'm seeing every week? Should I not care that THEY are getting fucked?

Reveille. TAPS. Taps just played. Last time I heard Taps? Burying friends. It isn't much of a Good Night to me. So Sorry, big army. I get it,there are all these traditions and whatnot. But has anyone ever stopped to think about how old and archaic some of these are? We generally don't shit in holes in the gound (civilian-wise). We don't die of dysentery on the Oregon Trail.

Tradition: a HUGE part of the army. You march in formation, well, cuz that's how they used to do it before the Indians/Native Americans showed them how to hit and run and kick some serious ass.


Are you serious? REALLY? WE ARE HIRED FUCKING KILLERS. Dress us up pretty with shiny new ACUs? Really? Stand tall, look good, oughta be in Hollywood? Well Hollywood is full of shit, and sometimes, so are we. Get rid of this goddamn image of us being stellar robots.

We piss, we moan, our senior leadership does the same goddamn thing behind closed doors and we all know it, and welcome to the army and all that.

TRADITION. Sorry, but it's archaic, done, erased, over, and out. We don't fight in rans and columns anymore. We use our brains. Tradition....

It's bullshit. Posturing. Parading. Lemme add a new paragraph and headbutt the capslock.


Pristine uniform, crisp salute, lookin' good, ready for a camera. FUCK YOU. We get sent out to kill and die. You want us to look good and move with crisp discipline? You must have lost your fucking mind. Lemme speak for the rest of us.

We are 17-20+ years old. We don't care about your career. If we're new, we aren't going to fully listen to the old-timers cuz goddammit we're nineteen and we know it all. But furthermore, we do NOT care about whether or not YOU make Major or Lieutenant Colonel or what have you. You're just a face in the crowd to us. The only difference is that when YOU are around, we have to be fake and full of shit. Go along to get along.

We're getting new guys almost every week it seems. Phasing us short-timers out with cherries. And that's great. But these cherries, I WANT them to know certain things. I WANT them to know NOT to let people get within 30 meter of you. I want them to NOT be a picture on the wall with KIA (date) stamped on it.

This whole ordeal? It's a goddamn mess, and sometimes, so am I. Now and then I gotta let a few screws loose. Like one of my readers told me before: it never goes away. Well fine. I used up PLENTY of my nine lives if not eight already. I hear you loud and clear buddy.

Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna contradict myself, and use one of those damn army cliches, and DRIVE THE FUCK ON.

LESS THAN 80 DAYS, BITCHES. Remind me to start uploading some pics. Thanks to all of you for reading this. Sometimes I use a keyboard to bleed some heavy stuff out, and I haven't gotten to the stuff that really eats me, but so far I think this works.

And everyone who comments, critiques, shares opinions, offers insight, kicks me in he ass, it all means the world to me.

Now gimme a nice, loud, thunderous smartass HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAHHHHH. (If you're just appeasing me, you did it right.)


JT said...

Let it bleed.

With this blood letting being good for your soul KEEP IT UP!

Lots of people think leeches sucking your blood is nasty but people's limbs have been saved doing this... this website is your leech. Let it out to save yourself.

MRS Jen McNeil said...

holy crap! I agree with JT...hesaid it better then I ever could have!

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Suspect. You little ray of sunshine, you. We love you too!

Kelsey said...

A reporter once said that for him, writing was sitting down at a typewriter and opening up a vein. I think that rings true for a lot of people. Bleed it out one drop at a time, and then be done with it. I'm glad to know the blog helped; as long as you write, we will read! And good luck with the next 80 days, I hope they go by quickly!

Anonymous said...

Bleed to us any time! I know your blog's been a kick in the ass enough times when I needed to wake up to the world. So thanks for that.

And when you get to the stuff that really eats you, we'll be listening.

Jean said...

So, in about eighty days we get to see... you? Spitting/spewing?

cuz, ya know, it's obvious you've been holding back so much here ;-)

bigD said...

Hey Suspect,
The thing is the shorter you get, the harder it is to acquiesce to the bullsh*t! You are older and a lot wiser now. You paid your dollar to see the circus freak show and it wasn't pretty.

Yes, it all compounds. Life does that too. It can be so simple and beautiful, sad and complicated all at the same time. Your writing is always right on point. Ryan, you are an amazing person. The Army is a huge thorn in your side right now, but, that thorn will soon be removed. In the meanwhile, there is bleeding, for they have wounded you and your anger is well justified. Do not despair Suspect, for in time, anger will fade and you will find peace; sadness will pass and you will find joy once again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Ryan. There are so many of us out here in the blogosphere who care about you. You have taken us on a wild ride, you have shared your most personal thoughts and feelings. You have remained steadfast in your goal to come out of this experience with your soul intact. Hang in there Ryan, for you will soon be free. God(s) bless you Ryan.

“What is uttered from the heart alone, will win the hearts of others to your own.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

“We cannot tell the exact moment a friendship is formed; as in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses, there is at last one that makes the heart run over.”

Infantry Dad said...

You want my two cents worth?
Stop counting....
the time will go by quicker.
The Army is a good place for those who haven't the ambition to aspire to anything greater.
And for those who aspire to be great military minds.
For those of us with other goals it becomes a major pain in the ass.
While I don't often comment, I read every post.
Thanks for saying what so many others are thinking.

Anonymous said...

I agree with all of the above. I will add this about counting down the days...I used to do that until I met a woman who counted down the days til retirement. Then she got a terminal illness and confessed that she stopped counting the days. She's dead. Live each of your freakish days to the fullest, find the best in it AND MOVE ON. HOLD YOUR HEAD UP AND MOVE ON. Save yourself.

Anonymous said...

Like sands flow through the hour glass...

so, too, are the days of our lives.

Anonymous said...

Wow suspect. Big D really knows how to get to the heart of things doesn't he?
as to the things that remain with you - they will, and they have or will change you. But you get to choose what you use. Use what you've got today to pass on what you feel is important to the may think they're not listening, but they are. You make a difference by your words, by your conciousness of what this reality is...maybe that's all you can do right now but it is more than enough.

membrain said...

Well really no one could say it any better than JT so I won't even try.

And elbow pads? I can't even picture elbow pads. I mean knee pads can look kinda cool I guess but elbow pads. What is it some sort of matching ensemble thing, sort of Gay Eye for the Straight Guy kinda look?

Oh yeah, and:

(I'm just that appeasing kinda bitch.)

red said...


OK, got that over with? Good.

Let it bleed, Suspect. Let it bleed itself clean.