Friday, November 21, 2008

High On war

I was shutting Fort Lewis out for as long as people would allow before they'd break my concentration. 24 hours at a desk, it's called CQ. Charge of Quarters. If there was a receptionist at Jack Bauer's CTU headquarters. then a CQ shift is one season for them.

I was reading a book full of miscellaneous writings by Henry Rollins when I turned the page and read a new entry that blew my mind. Described my feelings better than I could.

All my war stories are old
They hang like old clothes in the closet
No one wants to hear old war stories
It's all I have right now
My mouth flaps dry in the air
I am in this room pacing the floors
Sun up sun down grinding my teeth
Jumping at shadows waiting
I don't want to think about that old war anymore
It's driving me up the wall with bad insanity
I need new war
High on war

10 comments:

Kelsey said...

Is it really war you need, or just something more meaningful than garrison life?

TheUsualSuspect said...

The latter. Hands down.

red said...

I know the feeling. A good friend of mine described it very well. He's one of those who can't stand having nothing meaningful to do. He said once that he always has this feeling that "there's a crisis somewhere that NEEDS me!" and if he wasn't there elbow deep in something that mattered he wasn't quite...complete. It's the feeling that drives so many of us into military service, or law enforcement, or emergency medical service, or fire/rescue service. Look into these other lines of work when you get out. You might find that they have the necessary feeling you're missing.

Jessie said...

God I hated CQ. That's one of the things I sure don't miss from when I was still in.

bigD said...

Hey Suspect,
So do you really have to sit at a desk for 24 hours? What exactly do you do when you are doing "Charge of Quarters"? Sounds like the person who sits at the desk all night in the college dorm, making sure the riff-raff doesn't damage the furniture.

Well at least you can read to break up the mind-numbing boredom. Was Henry Rollins in the service? Where did he come up with this writing?

My favorite line..."It's driving me up the wall with bad insanity."

I pray for no new wars, only peace, love, joy and understanding.
God(s) bless you Ryan. ;)

Jean said...

Make your list of reasons to be Thankful for your life.

Happy Thanksgiving, Ryan!

Doc said...

Henry Rollins rocks. "Low Self Opinion" has been my person theme song for years.

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