Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Own Exorcist

The smart thing to do is to start scheduling briefings, appointments, classes, anything and everything that ties up your time and removes you from the unit. Everything that helps you get away, everything that reminds your unit that you are very very VERY fucking temporary, that you are leaving soon, that you are vanishing.

The guys before you that got out? Yeah, slowly they were around less and less, as more appointments piled up, as their duties took them elsewhere. It was like they were fading away, disappearing, becoming ghosts of Deployment Fuckin' Past. When they were gone, you didn't even know. They were Kaizer Soze. You didn't even NOTICE that they weren't around because it was so gradual, and then one day it hits you, holy shit, Johnson isn't around anymore, he is gone for GOOD, gone but fuckin' GONE, GOOOOOOOOONE, waaaaaaay past upper-deck. It was like he was never even there in the first place. Shit, maybe you just made him up. No telling now.

And that's how you have to be. You don't brag or gloat or laugh too loud about it, you just start taking advantage of every opportunity they give you, every class, every job fair, every seminar about resume building, you take it like the greedy mosquito bastard that you are and you fucking suck it DRY and you thirst for MORE.

You let the entire IDEA of your re-enlistment become a joke, something for people to laugh at in a wicked sense of irony. But most importantly, you remain subtle, you remain respectful, you remain tactful, you do what is expected of you, you have your appointment slips ready, and you use the system that's put in place for you, and you never never EVER bite the hand that is feeding you because by now, you have only the SLIGHTEST inkling of how hard the Army can fuck you if you get cheeky.

You play by the rules and you utilize everything you can, and every day, you become more and more translucent, like a dead Jedi, until the unit is so weened off of you that no one notices you're gone until your hair is already past your ears and you've got the first goatee of your life.



BigD said...

Hi Suspect,
Sounds like you have a good plan working there. Watch out all that "exorcising" can be dangerous to your health. I got a good chuckle from the "ghosts of Deployment Fuckin' Past." You keep working all the angles and following all the rules so you can complete your magic and vanish without a trace. And whatever you do, don't get cheeky! Cheeky could get a guy some serious delay of game penalties.

Take good care of you Ryan. You are very, very, VERY, close to getting the hell of out of Dodge.
You are ever in my thoughts and prayers.

“Is it time to go home yet? I keep clicking these damn shoes, but nothing happens." ~Robin Hecht

Anonymous said...!

themorethingschange... said...


It sometimes felt like you had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the light, but man when you got it you GOT it. Your mamma didn't raise no fools!


Anonymous said...

Did you mean 'weened' or 'weaned?' They lead to two different pictures in the mind, you know.
Here's a thought: when you get out, take a trip and visit and interview your readers. There ought to be a book in there somewhere. Or at least read "Blue Highways..."

Jean said...

heh...the lightbulb came on!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like we're supposed to be envisioning the Ryan Epiphany Face.

Aaaand now I'm laughing.

Aprillini said...

you are so so funny. Very astute observation about people gradually disappearing...maybe I'll try that at work. I hate it when they get all mushy and have lunch and give you a card, and like "come back and see us." No f-ing way.

Hooch said...

No $hit that is how it happens....its crazy really. By the way don't know if you remember him but Molton from basic just showed up here. He was with Poublon in alaska. Keep's amazazing.

Anonymous said...

This is exactly what I was like in my last few weeks, soon a year will be gone and the only thing you'll miss is the guys you made friends with.

membrain said...

I was really glad to read this. All the best Suspect! Fade away.

Anonymous said...


Army Sergeant said...

Fade. I like it. Maybe I'll start trying it too.