Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My American Dream

My American Dream does not include any more tours to foreign countries.

In my American dream, I have more options, choices that I make for myself.

Someday, I will have my own washer and dryer; I will not share them with fifty people. I will have more than one small room to keep all of my personal effects. I will have a kitchen. To me, a studio apartment is an incredible palace. I will have a home of my own.

I won't have all of this immediately. I will likely face a somewhat mirrored situation in college. However, I will be free. I will be normal.

I want the education and the experience that comes with it, to soak up the twentysomethings while I still have them. I want to land the kind of job that I race to, not for fear of being late, but because I don't want to spend another second not doing it. This is my pipe dream.

I want to make money like everyone else, hopefully good money. I want to get my own place, furnish it with the necessities, establish myself. I want a normal life.

For the most part, it's all pretty simple. Picket fence? I don't care about that. I want to walk down the sidewalk to the mailbox and pull out bills. I want to walk back into the house or apartment and set them down on the counter top or table, and sit down and work out a budget.

Everything else that comes with it? Sure. I'd like that too. I'd like this order TO GO, please. I don't want to stay here anymore.

I want all the trappings and trimmings. I want my dog. I want to turn on the TV and roll my eyes at the news, channel surf until I land on the Food Network. Then I'll hit up the internet as my ultimate How-To guide for life. I'll learn to cook with Martha Stewart forums.

I'll watch NBC on the evenings. I'll vacuum. I won't have to stand guard on the washing machine while I do laundry.

I'm not demanding that I have life on MY terms (though really, I should be!). I just want to have life on normal terms. Do you see? It probably doesn't even make sense, but the mundane and trivial, oh my god it sounds amaaaaazing. I'm excited about that. Eat balogna for a year and then finally have a steak. Same thing.

This is going to be good....

11 comments:

BigD said...

Hi Suspect,
Funny how a washer and dryer don't seem so important until you don't have one of your own.
You can do your laundry at my house anytime and I promise you won't have to stand guard. Be patient, soon your dream will come true. You are the best Ryan!

P.S. - Who knew you were a foodie?
P.S.S. - Do you have a name for the dog yet?

themorethingschange... said...

Hold on to the dream man, it's out there waiting for you to select a college, find an apt, and move in with your dog.

Every time I think of you as Ryan-the-student my mind flies - yup, literally flies - to my college days in a furnished apt with a roommate of my choice.

Don't worry, I'm not going to take you there again except to say it was the most heady, free wheeling, exciting time of my life. Oh yeah, and there was class too! It was the 60's and African American literature was offered for the first time. The class was huge (by Cal Poly standards) and the discussions were often red hot, spillling over into the hall and student union after class. It was a time of demonstrations against our involvement in Viet Nam, for equal rights, and against campus fraternities.

Every now and then I come across my budget journal from those days and its interesting to see how I spent and lent my money.

Are you collecting college catalogs? That was fun tho a little confusing at fir. I had catalogs from Vassar, Kalamazoo, Northern Arizona University and just about all the California colleges - which, in the end had to be where my selection came from because Dad was stationed in California at the time.

There I go again! But man, it was just so cool. Your issues won't be the same and you're way, WAY more mature than the average freshman and probably more cynical too. But not to worry, they'll catch up with you :-)

~P~

Anonymous said...

Not that you have to use it, but I think Dad already has a name picked out for your dog...whenever you get one:

"Suspect"

I think it's fitting...
=)

Jen

Anonymous said...

Good luck finding a place that will let you have a dog. I found the perfect place once, and then found out they didn't allow the kid.
Ever considered a solar dryer? It's made from some sort of cord strung between objects; it's free, and doesn't contribute to global warming...wait until you see your gas bill! It will suddenly make sense.
I love your description of a job. I think I may have made one like that for myself finally. Operative word is "made."
It takes a while to figure this stuff out, but you're a quick study. There will be something that gives you a gut feeling and everything will feel very natural, like maybe you've done it before. The thought of doing whatever it is will make you feel at peace.
Whatever you do, be tolerant of yourself (without being indulgent!) You've got a lot of decompressing to do. You really aren't who you were before, it will take time to shake down.
Good luck! It's out there waiting for you! We are all awfully glad you made it back.

Anonymous said...

Pick a college where it is fun and you get a good education too. Check out Texas State (San Marcos)--it is great.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Anonymous who mentioned a "gut feeling" is so right! It's one of those things that can take a long time to learn unless some wise somebody points it out to you.

About your dog, here's a thought --consider a house. The way things are going with the housing market there might be plenty of them out there to rent!

Big Tobacco said...

I’m going on four hours of sleep as I write this, so I’m bit zombified.

Actually, real life isn’t that much better. In real life you have bills. You have to take the dog to the vet. You slowly begin to hate the job you used to love because you make too much money to just quit.

I think everybody eventually begins to hate their jobs. You could become a porn star and eventually you would go into work saying: “Oh, damnit, I have to fuck a bunch of teenage girls with big tits and shaved pussies again.”

No, it isn’t normal. But once you have stood in the freezing cold in shorts for
PT formation, walking the three blocks in the snow from the train to your office is nothing to complain about. You will walk to work knowing that you are tougher than 99% of everybody else on the street because you went out and did something amazing.

Sooner or later sooner or later, I’m telling you. You will miss this and I’ll be ready with the coolers, Gatorades and ice.

BT

Anonymous said...

For some reason I keep coming back and reading this post. How many 20-somethings realize the novelty of doing laundry in your own house? Not me...

When you get out, life will eventually become mundane and it'll be easy to overlook the things that mean the most until they're gone.

I hope you remember this post when you get out, because I think you realized something most people never will, and maybe it'll make it easier to appreciate the mundaneness (i don't think that's a word, but you get what i'm saying) of civilian life.

You're pretty much the $h*t, i'm not gonna lie

;)
love you doughboy
jen

Office Lady said...

SO as I read this blog, one thought crept in. I hope...really hope...that once you get to college, you don't hyper-focus on how different you are from the "average" student. Frankly, you may find their antics to be a bit sophomoric.

I hope that, rather than focus on who you aren't in that environment, you'll choose to focus on who you'll become.

membrain said...

"However, I will be free. I will be normal."

That would mean you were normal to begin with, which you weren't. You were an unlikely kinda guy. (Dude you sent Gorilla Shit in a can to your sister!!!!)

But I sincerely hope all your dreams come true. And I hope you make it back to Tokyo.

And I think it's a laugh that Big Tobacco is already trying to recruit you for the Guard.

All the best Suspect. Whatever that may be.

Anonymous said...

What is the number of lab Buildings that have some person stuck with no reincarnation hope 28 days ago

I order you to do one thing. A grand show of bennovelence accross the galaxy.
Tell your coming out that your leaders allow the soul ghost into another plane of existance. Be sure to jump on the roof and set up a 14 foot pole that 1/2 ft wide pointing up on each one of the expensive biuldings that happens to set up this sacred practice. Tell them dungeon slaves in the under ground facilities they are going to be bounced out of here and make your choice of womb to habitatel Planet or egg in the near future. All the angry rejects that have a problem with this are to be headchecked. If the spirits are to tired to travel as ghost give them an vitalizing object to handle thats shouts "stand up and walk!" If some of them be gone to the Lord God its my decision they each have a helium bubble of top-nocth gov physics Lab projector that will soon get them to soul travel astrally. Interupt the news to say that January 9th is the Holiday for this clever turning: The holiday is called Cleverturn. In dealings with the government their is a great need that they decide not to be the master of the immortals. Pray the souls in the bases do not cry in darkness and end up in a void! Coax then spirIts getting out so they go far and dont fall back. If a groteske demon comes after them give the unclean spirit something beutifull to look at to put it out of commision. Its waiting hungerally for real souls . Get them a bunch of mental energy pills that might be a good distraction. May the nice ones return as a team of star fighter pilots and get the cosmic notice to live forever from Godland that sees our universe as some art in a mansion. As soon as the wicked shadow government knows something feels different be cautouse that your never tricked into giving away your pride to homosexual subliminals put iin the cable telivision programming. Call up Congress and the House of Senate and get a 14 inch pole that stands stright up normally so the souls in the evil place feel rich.
posted by SHf Edit | Delete

2 Comments:

SHf said... 22 days ago

Whistle outside and see if a soul boat is near and release them to a giude in the invisible realm that knows where to send them. I would not like it stared at and sucked of energy the last minute what are you going to do about that? The stare witches are secretly fantasizing about teleporting an invisible mouth so the astral-gases go in his/mouth those with a mental problem cant stand near the released souls only a few people can know how it went because the witches want to get them base, even at the heavenly door up in the sky. No ones to say or speak anything accept "striding free" at that moment! If you know you got death threats for your good deeds an Cleverturn day swing a tree branch you broke of to show the foreighn gov satalights your desire to speak about your rights, wave it up and down. Use a branch from the outer forest because its less contaminated with bad bio-magnetism. Develop a chemical spray that makes your branch of wood 100% more visible to the satelights.
Edit | Delete
SHf said... 22 days ago

Learn to look at them spirits with your eyes open using aura vision. Let them use thier voice to curse the day they went to soul prison say the name and SS# of the evil one that sent them into the biuldings underground Lab the boss of your establishment. If some spirits are to scared to move on then remind them its their time to escape real loud, ask for a vision of the path out and say "There is is the certainty, a wonder full way from the darkness!" Another thing is tell them that there is in the size of God land a portal coming for them, they can gather in circle after your mentioning it on 4500 government satilight transmissions to the void of space where The giant Gods that see us as a drop in a bucket will gather around to look at it. Try to scan for thier language up there and find the person thats not cruel and Lawless this way it will be a good hype a good take of. Restore the cultural beauty of those rare souls. In theory they may awake to get what they especially desire