Sunday, October 26, 2008


I walked past a few new guys that I didn't recognize, know, or care to. Can't wait til more of them filter in. It brings the NCOs to Larger Than Life again. They scream and fuck with the new guys, just like they did with us, when there was a hundred and fifty of us, all new and stupid.

Well, I walked on past those new guys and down the stairs. It was almost six in the morning, 0600 is what they call it I do believe. I was wearing shorts. I stepped outside, and I could see my breath. My balls rescinded so far up into my body that I think I maybe could have tasted them in my throat. You know it, the kind of cold where your fingers and lips don't operate with normal dexterity.

We stood in formation, and I had a moment of clarity.

"You know," I said to no one in particular, "...this isn't normal. Normal people don't do this. Normal jobs? Yeah, they don't include shit like this. Even IF your job requires you to be outside at this hour, in this temperature, you still atleast get to choose what you wear. If it's fucking cold, you get to dress like it's fucking cold."

Couple of chuckles a la 'here goes Suspect again, one of his rants'.

Every time we'd been out in the cold, sucking, or in the rain, or whatever shitty circumstance or condition, it never flashed across my screen that it wasn't normal. In the Army, you get used to some weird shit. You don't bother to question it, you just accept it, and joke and bitch about how stupid it is, but you don't really ponder it.

Standing there, shivering me timbers off, I pondered it. Then I added some sprinkles to my rant.

"You see this? This right here. This is exactly why they can't get me to re-enlist. It baffles me that it isn't already painfully obvious. It's fucking freezing but I can't wear pants? Yeah, pretty sure it's time to write a resume or something."


Anonymous said...

You really are brilliant, sweetie pie.

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of older people actually think it's a good idea to treat kids that way; makes them tough, maybe they had to go through it themselves, maybe they think kids deserve it, who knows what the motives are. Maybe the best way to train people to want to kill other people is through abuse; I don't know. I always knew that it wasn't for me. But I am amazed at the numbers of kids who do fall for the ads, or believe that it's the only way they can succeed or improve their lives.
I am impressed by your abilty to observe and
articulate your experience. Fot some reason, that didn't happen often during Vietnam. I wish it had. I think it would have saved a lot of people.

Anonymous said...

I don't have grounds to call you sweetie, but I have to agree with aprillini--you're brilliant. Indubitably.

BigD said...

Hi Suspect,
Well shiver me timbers and avast ye matties...sorry to hear you were out there in the freakin' dead of the morning freezing your kahuna's off in nothing more than shorts and a T-shirt with a big "A" on it! Who knew it got this cold in Washington in October?

What were you thinking when you said... "when it's fucking cold, you want to dress like it's fucking cold?" Were you trying to actually use your brain and be logical again? There's no crying in baseball and there's no logical in the Army!

I am glad you have a little bit of the rabble-rouser in you!
I love your rants and your rants with sprinkles too.
Epiphany = logical, mature and perceptive. Wisdom becomes you.

God(s) bless you Ryan. I hope you thaw out real soon. Would some hot chocolate with marshmallows help?

Arli said...

You're getting by day. So happy to see the transformation starting to take shape. Keep it up. Now go inside and warm up!

themorethingschange... said...

Just guessing that since there was no mention of push-ups in the mud, your comments weren't overheard by the sadist leading the mornings activities. This is good! This is the way to handle your subversive self while in formation.

Carry on in like manner - its almost November....

Anonymous said...

You've just listed reason number 6,804,224 not to reenlist.

I specifically recall going to PLDC and being told to by the instructors to put on my wet weather top with the notorious "everyone has to look the same," to which I responded "listen here, I'm a fucking GRUNT, I live in this shit. Just because this pansy ass finance clerk over here can't handle being a little wet doesn't mean I'm going to put on this stifling jacket in this humidity to appease your Big Army mentality."

On another note someone once asked me whether I'd be going camping when I get out of the army. My reaction? "Once enough time passes that nature becomes a commodity and not a living environment I'll consider it."

I'm sitting at three and a half months until I'm free. And I will never look back once I am.

julie anna said...

So are you going to keep writing when you get out? I know you are a real person and all, but you are also one of those good stories that I really get into when I read. I did read, you know, while I hid out all those months. The internet won't be the same for alot of people if you stop writing. But do what you have to do. I'm glad you are getting out of the army, by the way. You are making a smart decision. The army has a way of really fucking up people and I'd like to see you de-fuck yourself while you still have a chance.

Kev Brown said...

Great post! I don't know if your right or wrong about this treatment! and does it it make you a tougher person? I kind of feel as though I should have gone through some Army training to see how I would have handled it.....not very well I reckon!

membrain said...

Holy shit. You actually brought Dreadcow out of the either. Now THAT'S an accomplishment in itself. Hopefully he's starting to re-adjust.

On another note; you're starting to worry me by constantly mentioning why you won't re-enlist.

I hope you're not channeling your inner Billy Shakespeare; ie "He doth protest too much, methinks."

Chris said...

Thanks for reminding me how good it is to be a free man. ETS dates can never come quickly enough for most people. Hopefully they've had enough sense to change your uniform by now, or you could just complain about a cold weather injury and hopefully get them to pull their heads out of their asses.