Friday, September 16, 2011

Goddammit, MORE?!

Yeah, I'm like a little bastard on an airplane; I don't fuckin' quit. Here's some new shit for people that care.

Clothing optional.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Final Word

I tried to gather a list of reasons why I should be exempt, allowed to leave. Tried to think of a way to present them that would somehow persuade them. Then it dawned on me that it wasn't going to happen.

No Poor Me excuses are going to work. As I stepped back and looked at the case I was trying to present, it just looked weak. Feeble. Selfish.

Then, for the first time, I REALLY realized the gravity of the truth. I really did sign a contract.

See you in Part Four.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

All Volunteer

"Hey! What's up, Stop-Loss?"

"Hey man, I thought you were getting out? Did you get stop-lossed?"

Sometimes I manage to stop and make eye contact. "How the fuck should I know?!"

Right now, I don't want to see any of these faces. The uniforms. The carbon copy buildings. My head turns into concrete and cracks. You couldn't chisel the scowl off of my face with a jackhammer.

I wait to find out if my situation is enough to warrant letting me go. Hinging on the college acceptance letter, sometimes even fooling myself into thinking that it'll work. I move from group of guys to the next every five minutes. The army talk gets to be too much and I have to find something else, anything. That doesn't work so well when it's everywhere around you.

"I thought you were getting out...?"

Just keep walking.

God I hope so.

For some reason, I guess I really believed that after I put in four years, that would be it. I'd be able to pick up where I left off, and move on. Start a new chapter and all that flowery poetic shit. It seemed so plausible. 2009? Shit, shouldn't be much going on by then, right? No?

"Hey man, you signed a contract, you knew what you were getting yourself into."

That is where I disagree. If we actually understood what we were volunteering for, we would have had second thoughts.

You volunteer to be shot in the head. Blown up. Drowned in the Tigris. Burned alive. Lose eyesight, a limb, an important function, or everything. If none of this happens, excellent! It's the dark ugly truth that sits in the back and stares at everyone else in the room, but somehow no one really notices it. You didn't even realize it, but you volunteered for it. You invited it into your life. You volunteered to learn more about death and loss than you ever wanted to know in a thousand lifetimes. You volunteered to have hope snatched out of your hands and blinders ripped off of your eyes.

I avoid the new guys, plenty of the old guys too. Someone from the University I got accepted to calls me to see if I have any questions. That's about when I swallow hard, pull the knife out of my ribs, and croak a response. Keep the conversation short, give your thanks, hang up, and roll over again. Sure would be nice to have the day off, go somewhere and chill, away from Fort Lewis. Away from combat patches and CIBs and desert boots. Try to blend into the crowd, fake it as long as I can.

I was almost there. That close. Now? Now I'm not so sure. So thanks, Iraq. Thanks, Afghanistan. Thanks, Stop-Loss. Thanks to the able bodied and capable would-be soldiers, college drop-outs, pot head burnouts, dead-end minimum wage peons. Thanks, me. Well played.

Ever have a REALLY good dream, and your alarm wakes you up halfway through it? You shut your alarm off and wish that you could go back to that, but you can't. That's what this is like, to put it lightly. It's a wake-up call. One MotherFucker of a cup of coffee. Extra Strength. Guaranteed to burst your bubble or your money back.

So here's what happens:

A) An update with some great news is posted

B) We'll see you in Part Four.

Suspect out.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Belittling Others

This is a little something I found on an internet forum full of young'uns eager to enlist. The guy that wrote this, I want to give him my spot. This guy needs to be the new Suspect. Maybe I'm a dick, but his unique writing style entertains me to no end, and the content, the substance, c'est magnifique!

"What the hell, there is a lot of soldiers with adhd in the army,I have been commenting for weeks here.Look not everyone is the same, it depends on your symptoms,I am planning on joining on may and I have add.Not everyone is the same is gonna be tough on bootcamps yes,but who says is immposible if a lot of soldiers have done it why can I what makes me diferent from them.

To tell you the truth I am 26 and what it really has help me is being mature,detemination,you think bootcamp was made to be impossible to pass no it was made to be really hard to be a soldiers.

I bought the book ultimate basic training guidebook,and I. Am preparing before I go over there and I am doing runing exercises.

There is a lot of things you can do to help yourself too pass bootcamp,preparing early,determination.

But is truth add is a condition if it is not treated since the begining, it can be a very serious condition I have been treated and the symptoms that I have are very little,boot camp is gonna be my test to see if I pass and I will let people here know that it can be done.

What is hard is not impossible and impossible is just a word."

Really, I just want to take this one line and put it on a t-shirt and wear it every day, covered in ketchup/mustard/hotpocket stains, seldom if ever washed, letters peeling.

I bought the book ultimate basic training guidebook,and I. Am preparing before I go over there and I am doing runing exercises.

Oh man, I want to sign all my gear over to you RIGHT NOW.

Seriously though, maybe we can work something out. Wher did we suposed to fucked up?!

Sunday, March 8, 2009


I still have little more than hearsay and rumors to go off of.

The odds of me being stop-lossed are very good. In fact, for all intents and purposes, I am already. There are medical issues I can try to bring up, and supposedly someone higher up said that if you've already got a letter of acceptance from a college or university, then there's a 90% chance you'll be able to go. Again, that's hearsay.

I wasn't even mad when I walked in and heard the news from my friends. I just had questions. A definitive answer is all that I want. Whichever way this thing goes, I'll go along with it, sure. I just want to stop wondering.

Yeah, I'd like to get out, get schooled, live. Then there's a part of me that's slightly relieved. I don't want to see these guys get deployed while I chill. This should be the last one, right? Maybe?

There's a lot of people on this side of the pond that have been waiting patiently, with fingernails chewed to ragged bloody scraps, for me to be done with all this. There's people here that expect me to continue to contribute to the unit. They want to keep the guys with experience, and I can understand that completely.

Me? I'm split in half, right down the middle. Get out, or deploy. That sense of moral obligation I first had, four years ago, it resurfaces in small glimpses.

So who do I let down?

You? Them? I don't even know if the choice is mine. I almost hope it isn't.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

A Good Sign

If what I've heard from multiple sources is in fact true, I just might eek past this stop-loss ordeal.

Exciting huh? Cross your fingers!

A part of me feels a little guilty already, but let's not speak too soon eh?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Worthy Enough

Just got this email and it seems righteous enough to pass along. Here it is:

I was introduced to your blog through a good friend who is retired from the military and first off, thank you for your sacrifice and service to our country.

I am writing to introduce Muze Clothing and our current partnership with the Wounded Warrior Project to benefit troops wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan. I thought that perhaps the Veterans, Soldiers, and others in your circle of contacts may have some interest in supporting this worthy cause.

Muze Clothing’s unique concept of creating shirts with compelling graphics and classic movie lines has created a tremendous fan base. The company will use this fan base to assist wounded troops, when service members and their supporters will submit movie lines and complementary shirt designs that exemplify the motto of freedom’s defenders, sacrificing their lives for their fellow Americans.

These submissions will be judged by a panel of celebrities. The winning submission will be incorporated into the newest Muze T-shirt with 100% of the proceeds on the sale of this shirt being donated to the Wounded Warrior Project.

The Service Member with the winning submission (or the Service Member identified by the supporter with the winning submission) will be flown from a continental United States location with 3 friends to the shirt launch ceremony in Los Angeles on May 16th, 2009.

You can get more details on the promotion at:

Thank you for helping us spread the word on this partnership.

Best regards,